Feeling our feelings

In high stress situations there is a tendency to resist what is happening. We disassociate and distract ourselves so that we don’t need to feel the unpleasantness of the situation. When I’m feeling particularly stressed, I find myself on my phone, feeling annoyed about my stress, mindlessly scrolling social media and engaging in some very creative methods of procrastination. We are wired to lean away from discomfort, but what is comfortable is not always good for us.

Rather than accepting what is appearing for us emotionally in these moments- we choose to ignore it. Almost as if by not acknowledging the feeling and by hiding, it will make the feeling cease to exist. It reminds me of when I was a child and I was watching a scary movie. When I felt my fear begin to get overwhelming, I would cover my eyes. In many ways we operate from this fear based, childlike framework when it comes to facing and feeling our emotions.

We carry so much shame around experiencing difficult emotions. It is hard for us to admit to ourselves when we are sad, lonely, angry, or anxious. There is a happiness bias in our society where we strive for so called ‘positive-emotions’ and brush those deemed negative to the side. This is a disservice to our whole spectrum of experience, life in all its highs, lows and challenges.

Granted, ignoring emotions can serve a purpose to a certain extent. We sometimes need to be strong in front of our loved ones, however it is still important to feel these emotions fully so that we don’t develop an unhealthy relationship with them. Sometimes, it can be helpful to lean into these emotions. Reality can often feel unpleasant and resisting this creates a tension and an internal battle where we desperately wish things are different to how they are. We increase discomfort because we increase resistance.

The Seon Buddhist teacher Haemin says regarding our feelings:

“If you take them too seriously and start internalizing them as part of your identity, then you will resurrect them every time you think about the past. Remember you are neither your feelings nor the story your mind tells about you to make sense of them.”

Accepting how the present moment feels is the ultimate act of liberation. To simply own how we are feeling, no matter how difficult that may, be can give us a sense of stillness in the present moment, if but for a brief few seconds.

Be the tree that stands strongly beside a riverbank, observing the rapids of your feelings and emotions raging past. Don’t be the one who stands in the river and gets swept away.

You are the only one who can give yourself permission to be free from your emotions. You will always experience unpleasant emotions, so you may as well work towards accepting this and as a result, loosen the choke hold they hold over your life.