I Turned 24 Today. Here's What I Learned Since I Turned 23.

I started doing this last year after reading Ryan Holiday’s birthday articles. This annual reflection is a helpful way for me to check in with what I’ve learnt, pinpoint any growth that’s occurred and share it with you. Sharing our learnings is incredibly important, I hope in doing this my hard learned lessons will help someone have an easier time. Here’s to another day and here’s to 24.

 

[*] Brazilian Jiu Jitsu came into my life this year. I can liken BJJ to being a strangely pleasurable version of desperately treading water yet always having your head submerged. Rickson Gracie summed up the benefits of the art form when he said: “Jiu-jitsu puts you completely in the moment, where you must have a complete focus on finding a solution to the problem. This trains the mind to build that focus, to increase your awareness, your capacity to solve problems.” In this sense it’s taught me invaluable life skills that I use every day. Jiu Jitsu is humbling, gruelling, empowering and by far the best decision I’ve ever made.

 [*] I’m still working on this one but breathing deeper and drinking more water feels REALLY GOOD

 [*]  Reading philosophy is so important. Specifically the philosophy that concerns becoming a better person. We have thousands of years of literature from intelligent men and women who asked the big questions about living a meaningful life. They struggled and learned the hard way so you don’t have to- don’t waste the opportunity and fumble your way through life when the answers are right in front of you.

 [*]  The people who talk about what kind of person they are, are rarely trustworthy. Actions speak for themselves.

 [*]  There doesn’t always need to be another thing to work towards. It’s okay to let what you have right now be enough.

 [*] There is a misconception that you need to have a mental illness or be suicidal to go to therapy. There has to be a shift in perspective and we need to view therapy as another self-care tool in the way we view healthy eating and exercise. I attended a one off therapy session at a point where I was in a bit of a funk and found it really helpful. People complain about counselling be hard to access which can be true but if you value it and you can afford it, maybe you should pay for it. Can you really afford not to invest in your mental health? Obviously this is a different story with people who are in a seriously dark place but I’m speaking to the average Joe.

[*] “The bad news is you're falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is, there's no ground.” –Chögyam Trungpa.

 [*] Instagram activism isn’t really activism when you’re posting about the cause of the week without fail. Figure out what is meaningful to you and stick to that- otherwise it comes across as disingenuous and virtue signalling.

 [*] Someone close to me is recovering from some serious trauma and works in retail. Hearing the stories from work of her getting treated horribly by entitled customers makes me sick to my stomach. It’s made me realize that each and every one of us has an obligation to work on ourselves and strive for kindness. We are capable of so much harm if we allow our emotions to go unchecked and uncontrolled. There is no other option but to be kind to each other because we have no idea about the levels of suffering the people we interact with are going through. None of us go out with the intention of ruining someone’s day but it happens.

 [*] Listening to people, I mean truly, deeply listening to them is an absolute skill that we don’t get taught. People can tell when you’re tuned in to what they’re saying and it makes a real difference.

 [*] Discipline is one of the purest forms of self-love

 [*] It’s important to ponder what kind of people you wish to surround yourself with. Seneca wrote: “Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul…. Regard him as loyal and you will make him loyal.” Friends aren’t necessary to a fulfilling life- yet they make life so much more fulfilling. By being selective about who we allow into our lives, it creates more room for vulnerable, trustworthy and fulfilling friendships that you have more capacity to prioritize.

 [*] Things are rarely as bad as we think they are. The worst thing that could happen likely will never come to fruition.

 [*] Meditation keeps blowing me away by what it reveals about the mind. I missed the memo somewhere along the line that life isn’t meant to always be perfect so I’ve spent a lot of time resisting the way things are- the weather is too hot or too cold, my client is being too difficult, I wish I wasn’t so busy. The practice has allowed me to step back and ask myself what if right now is enough? What if I don’t resist this? Asking these questions reveals that at a deep level we aren’t harmed and everything is okay. Our wellbeing in any given moment is a direct correlation to how much or little we are resisting in each moment.

[*] David Goggins talks about how we need to visit pain every day. It plays into the Stoic idea of ‘voluntary discomfort’ or training hard to fight easy. If we can voluntarily expose ourselves to pain and discomfort- when those things occur and they outside of our control we have some reference and experience so that you can emerge successfully on the other side. I’m not there yet daily but I’m working on it.

 [*] If you’re going to talk about something bad you went through, ensure you’re doing it as a means to inspire others and not just to complain.

 [*] When you're starting something new, hit up a friend and get them to hold you accountable to it. If you can’t motivate yourself to do something, the fear of social embarrassment might.

[*] Look people in the eye when you’re thanking them, it hits differently.

[*] Take some time to write down the values that are important to you and what kind of person you want to me. We are all capable of so much harm and so much good and life is way too much of a mess to assume you’re going to be hitting the mark every time. Whether you’re religious or not, writing down a personal moral framework is important.

[*] Compassion in difficult situations trumps anger every time. Every time.

[*] My work has introduced me to some people who have been through some harrowing things in my life. Hell is very real and right here in our midst. This has been a good exercise in compassion- realizing there aren’t bad people, only bad actions because they have been through bad things. Of course a scared dog stuck in a bear trap is going to bite you- that doesn’t make it okay but it explains its actions.

 [*] Most people don’t really care about what you’re doing or think about you all that often. This can be liberating.

 [*]People are pretty smart and most of the time don’t want advice unless they ask for it. Often just being there for them is enough.